Hope after all

Good news!  I have been successful in saving up a grand for tuition, right before the deadline for my payment.  I know a grand isn’t actually a lot, but given my past record, this is certainly worth celebrating.  I also feel a bit proud, considering that I had to survive through two birthdays and father’s day, (and I usually like to go out on those sort of things). Now, I’m going to stay on track with my spending and move onto my new goal – losing weight.  Well, it’s an old goal, but still.  This time, I want to be more specific – I want to get down two sizes before I turn 23.  It’s a lot, but…I think I can do it.
And speaking of Father’s Day, I have to say that there is nothing more satisfying than shooting at targets a good 35 feet away with a 5 1/2 foot blowgun, handcrafted by my dad.  It was the best fun that I’ve had in ages.

Sore Feet and Apple Juice at 1:11

I was contemplating putting a more simpler title, such as “The Aftermath of 2 weeks of Hell”, but then I figured that I needed to lighten up a little.

I somehow made it through finals, and I am finally embracing summer vacation by working full time. If things go well, I’ll be able to save up to a thousand by the end of this month.

Let me backtrack a bit – I have really, really, REALLY horrible spending habits.  Case in point: in the month of May alone, I spent around 300 dollars on food.  IN ONE MONTH.  I mean, that’s freaking ridiculous, considering that I only get minimum wage.  And that doesn’t even cover the other stuff I spent it on (although, when I look at it in retrospect, I spent it all on necessary things for school).  Now, my goal is that I want to at least save a thousand by the end of this month so that I can ease the burden of my tuition on my parents.  I know I’ve proclaimed my goals before and I’ve fallen short of them (running anyone?); but I still want to try.

So, that’s my short term goal – get a grand, and then see it disappear.   Well, that’s life I suppose.

On another note, I’ve started a project with my sister, that I’m really excited about.  I’m a bit concerned about my capabilities to illustrate it, but I have been practicing with my color usage.  I foresee a lot of experiments.  (I really envy people who can use color well…)

This entry is short today.  I’m tired.

And now the end comes

Currently, I’m listening to an awesome song called “Girls on the Dance Floor” by Far East Movement.  It’s a total club bumper, but I AM LOVING IT RIGHT NOW.  BWHAHAH – and, I love the fact that it’s made by Asians.  GO ASIANS!

Anyhow, the last month is here, and its officially crunch time.  I don’t realy know how I’m going to fare, but I hope I make it out alive somehow.  I still have to do a life-sized self portrait for my anatomy class, a poster for my typography class, get a bunch of beeper motors for my 3-d class, research for my asian studies class, and perform a skit for my Japanese class.  Wow.

Ah, the most annoying thing happened to me on Monday.  My partner decided to be an irresponsible bastard and gave me the script for the skit at the last minute, even though I told that I would work on it with him, and checked on him several times.  (He offered to do it on his own the first time around, and although I told him I’d rather work on it together, he insisted.)  I had to memorize the skit…WHILE I WAS DRIVING TO CLASS.  I was about to scream – I kept on asking him to send it to me earlier so that we could rehearse, but he apparently had more important things to do.

It was a horrible experience, and he got screwed over in the end, but it was still really infuriating.

Anyhow, that’s done and past, so it’s okay.

Hail Spring!

It is now officially my birthday month!

Which is great and joyous in all retrospects, but I can’t help but feel the sinking weight of time.  It seems like being 21 makes you ageless and fearless for a year, and then 22 is  the sobering aftermath.  Now that the number is nearing by in three weeks, I feel like a sack of bones.  I understand that this is extremely immature for me to say, since I will only be turning 22, but those are my honest thoughts.  (Heaven forbid when I look back on this post.  I’m sure I’ll be laughing at my current mentality.)

Looking at 21 in retrospect, it has been pretty hyperactive.  In all honesty, I haven’t really spoilt my liver in partaking the unwritten rule of “being legal” since I’ve only touched alcohol on a handful of occasions (and I can count those on one hand);  instead, my emotions are the ones that have been going through radical changes.  People who know me should already know what I’m talking about, but for the sake of brevity, I’ll mention these things: October, my two encounters with infatuation, and the humbling conclusions.  That’s all I’ll mention about those episodes, but it has been really…um, educational.  Probably the most unromantic description ever, but I’ll leave it be.

Today, while walking through campus, suffering with an unparalleled fatigue that I have ever experienced,  I thought about two things: 

Wow, I’m really tired.

and

The campus is a lot brighter than I remember.

The last thought struck me particularly hard, since it affected my physicality.  Here’s why, in brief:

I have a large head.  

Because of this, it is very difficult for me to find sunglasses that can fit around my cranium, let alone make me look decent.  My latest pair of sunglasses cost me a whopping 350 dollars, and even still, they don’t fit my head that well, but my vanity declared them the right pair for me.  As a result, I usually only wear them while driving, but I am uncomfortable walking around campus with them, since they will give me a headache (and I’m also notorious for losing things, so I put them away quickly.)  However, with spring break come and gone at CSULB, there have been a few changes to the campus.  A welcoming change is that the smaller trees are in full bloom with pink, carnation-like flowers that cling onto the bare branches like beautiful flames.  A not-so-welcoming change is that the larger trees have been aggressively trimmed, allowing more sunlight to  permeate down to the student masses below.  While I’m not entirely against a brighter world, it is a bit of a strain on my eyes, which forces me to choose between two discomforts – do I wear the sunglasses and live through the headache, or do I put them away and go to my classes haphazardly, squinting my eyes so much that I’m practically walking with my eyes closed?  

I chose the first option.

Another thing that I was doing while I was walking was mentally writing out this blog.  Honestly, I was imagining a more happy, less caustic tone about spring, but it sort of spilled out this way.  I think it’s influenced by the influx of caffeine that I had earlier to keep me awake, and the fact that I’m sitting through a research demonstration by a librarian who sounds like she’s ready to punch babies.  

I hope you all have a wonderful day.  I will try to do the same.

 

 

Blog crazy

I think I should take my camera around with me more, and go “blog crazy”.  I really like seeing pictures on people’s blogs.  It’s fun to go through them.

The Wilds came and stayed with us for their spring break – well, Lauren’s spring break.  It was really fun to have them at our house.

Nathan, the  youngest, has been sick since he got here though – the poor guy was up all night when his parents were out of town for their anniversary.  I stayed up with him to wipe him down with a washcloth – he had a really high fever – 102.8 degrees.  He was burning up – his cheeks got so red, the poor guy.  He looked like a blushing peach.  Now, he’s gotten a bit better – I’m sure he’ll be cured from his fever when he goes to Disneyland today!   

Ahh, I really want to go too…but I can’t.  I recently got a job, so now I’m busier than ever.  It’s good though!  I’ll finally be able to afford gas.   

 

Thats all.  Now I need to work on my typography projects.

Doodling thoughts

Hello everyone.  How are you?

Today, I questioned my morals and how I stood against the world.  After several minutes of thinking, I came to a blank.  It is a bit alarming in a sense, because I proclaim to be a Christian, and yet, if I do not know where my moral guidelines are, that is something that needs to be seriously considered.

And another thing – I have realized that I have become comfortable.  This is good and bad in many ways.  It is good, because I have accepted my character, my surroundings, my place in the world, and what I must do from here on out.

It is bad because it lacks the drive for change, for improvement, and allows me to be complacent and lazy.  I used to be completely convinced that I had to change everything about myself, but then I realized that I actually like some aspects of who I am.  No longer do I feel extremely tormented that I do not look like the usual skinny, petite Asian girl.  I had such a complex about my body during high school that I wore guys shirts and hooded sweaters every single day.  Even when it was a roasting 90 degrees outside.  I felt completely inferior, and I figured that I wasn’t pretty nor skinny enough to date anyone. So I didn’t.  I charged the opposite way instead, and became one of the guys.  I also figured that my mom would be completely against me dating anyone in high school as well but it turns out that I was very wrong about this.

My low self-esteem from back then has left some lasting scars on me, but it doesn’t torment like it used to.    I still have a hard time acknowledging the fact that I am a girl, but at least I know how to dress up a little better now.

Now I’m a 4th year in college, and holy crap, I’ve turned into an introvert.  I prefer staying at home rather than going to parties.  I don’t know how to act at parties.  I don’t know how to interact with people who like to go to clubs, smoke, and do beer pong until three in the morning.  I used to love crowds, but now I find them too noisy.  I like being on my own and collecting my thoughts, doodling away, and content with the little bit of space that I take up.  Does it sound pathetic?  Perhaps.  But I’m happy this way.

I wonder.  How will my character change from this point on?

At a Low

I dont’ know what it has been for the past couple of weeks, but I have been an absolute loser, school wise.

I don’t turn in homework assignments, I skip classes all the time, and I’m just finding that I don’t give a damn.  I mean, hell – after I realized I slept through the begining of my computer class in my car (by 15 minutes), I used it as an excuse to skip it – and went to Disneyland.  I didn’t even ride any of the rides – I just went there to go look around and draw.  I sat inside the “Off the Page” store for about 2 hours, just looking at the movie screens, and drawing.  I had a lot of fun, but I know I shouldn’t be doing this. 

And don’t get me wrong, it’s not just yesterday, it’s been like this since the start of the semester.  Yeesh.

I feel like I’ve run into a wall and I’m smashing my head against it.  I really need to get my act together.

The only class that I’ve been staying on top of is my Anatomy class on Friday.  I’m doing okay in my 3-d design and Typography…but my Korean Pop Culture Class and my Japanese Class, my two EASIEST CLASSES – I’ve been really slacking off on.  I have stopped turning in homework assignments for Japanese.  And, I have yet to turn in a paper for the kpop one…blah.

Wow.  I really need to get my act together.

Memory

Okay, it’s no secret that I have a love for Korean Boy bands.  And that I thoroughly embrace its crazy pop culture.  However, going through the motions, what I find especially interesting is how Korean pop culture is constantly referring back to things that have happened in the U.S./elsewhere, and that in turn gets me interested in what is happening back on my home turf.  A roundabout way of discovering things, but that’s how it goes.  For instance, I listened to Linkin Park’s “What I’ve Done” song not from the radio, but because Tohoshinki recommended that song on a Japanese Music Show.  Wow.

Anyhow, this time around, I was watching a show called “Family Outing” that I absolutely love.  I initially started watching because of Daesung, a member of the famous Korean hiphop group Big Bang (he also happens to be my favorite member).  Because of his multiple talents, the hosts of the show kept on referring back to his role as Rum Tum Tigger in the korean version of the musical Cats.  On one of the segments of the show (the ranking decision they do to determine the sleeping order), he sang a portion of the beautiful song, “Memory”.  Now, he sang it wonderfully, and I was gettting goosebumps all over, because I really like his voice; it drove me to a point of frustration, however, because I couldn’t remember the lyrics (the English version) and thus went on a Youtube searching frenzy.  (I have watched this musical before on tape, and enjoyed it immensely.  I should watch it again.)

So, I found the tape version of the London Cast, with Elaine Page singing memory.  It was such a beautiful rendition that it nearly made me cry.

It’s slightly different from other versions, so I typed up the parts that have been altered/changed from the original.  Here are the lyrics.

——-

Daylight
See the dew on the sunflower
And a rose that is fading
Roses wither away
Like the sunflower
I yearn to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day . . .

Now, All the Deuteronomy

just before dawn

through a silence you feel that you could cut with a knife

announces the cat who can now be reborn

and come back to a different Jellico life

*Memory

Turn your face to the moonlight

Let your memory lead you

Open up, enter in

If you find there the meaning of what happiness is

Then a new life will begin
Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

* Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning

Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I musn’t give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

*Sunlight through the trees in summer

and as masquerading

Like a flower as the dawn is breaking

The memory is fading
Touch me
It’s so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You’ll understand what happiness is

Look
A new day has begun

—–

I really love this song.  It’s full of sorrow – and power.  It stirs something deep within the aches of my heart.

I love it as much as I love Rachmaninoff’s music – and that’s saying a lot.

Fish brownies

Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone!

To celebrate Valentines day, I decided to make brownies out of the box in the cupboard.  I thought it would be a nice gesture for my parents, since my mom and dad left me roses and a card, with fervent wishes that my “Mr. Valentine” will come someday, lol.

While I was getting the ingredients, my best friend called me up and wished me a happy Valentine’s day, and we were chatting and catching up on how things were going.  I was stirring the brownie mix at the same time and poured the mixture into the  pan, and realized that the brownies smelled…a little funny.  I took a quick sample to see what was wrong, and sure enough, it tasted very, very off.  And then I remembered something crucial, something that I should have remembered before: My mom likes to save her vegetable oil.  To be specific, when she fries fish or eggrolls, she likes to strain the oil, clean out the gunk, and pour the stuff right back into the bottle.  I took the vegetable oil bottle and sniffed.  It smelled overwhelmingly like FISH.  I balked.  And then laughed, really hard.  I cut my friend off in the middle of her story and told her about what had just happened, and she couldn’t believe it either.  Fish Oil Brownies.  GROSS.

Needless to say, I didn’t bake the brownies.

Golden Dragon Festival

Currently I am listening to orchestral versions of theme songs from final fantasy on youtube.  Yes, like a giant nerd.  I also decided to change my blog layout, because the lightness of the background was irritating.  I might change it again soon, but for now, this will do.  By the way, why do the fonts on the themes are all miniscle?  Really, it’s bothersome and annoying.  And they don’t pick fun fonts to use either.  What jerks.

Anyhow, I went on an outing yesterday with my Aunt to Chinatown in LA.  She requested my presence because 1.) she didn’t want to go alone, and 2.) if there was anyone there to mug us, she was relying on me with my knife to take out the offender.  She tells me that she feels safer with me around XD.

So, I get to her place around 12:30 pm, and we headed out a few minutes later.  I gave her the keys to my car, because she said she always had fun driving stick shift.  That was all fine and dandy, until she told me that she had to do a little practicing around the neighborhood to get used to it.  It wasn’t completely nerve-wracking, but she did stall three times on the road.  That made me feel a little unsettled.

On the freeway, I was trying to get the GPS navigator to pinpoint how to get to Chinatown.  I was having a bit of trouble, because I didn’t know what street it was located on, and the GPS didn’t show what city Chinatown was located in when the list first pops up.  I accidentally picked “Chinatown Gate” in San Francisco, and the results showed us that we still had 355.6 miles to go, lol.  After I set it to the appropriate Chinatown, we had some difficulty following the directions because we could not get onto the freeway it directed us to go to.  By the way, did you know that the voice for GPS systems are really soothing?  I suppose they make it that way in order to calm down the driver when it dumps you in the middle of nowhere (that’s happened to me a lot).

There was construction work being done on a majority of the ramps to the 710 freeway, so the traffic jam that was built up on the surface street was monstrous.   After taking several detours, we thought that we would be able to get onto a ramp to finally get onto the 710 freeway, but my aunt saw the “no entrance” sign near it.  She was about to go somewhere else, but I realized that the ramp wasn’t blocked off with cones, so I told her to go for it.  I didn’t care if there was some gaping hole in the middle road – she could have taken my car off-roading for all I cared.  She didn’t need to though; the ramp was fine – they just forgot to remove the sign.

Once we arrived in LA near Chinatown, we realized that a majority of the roads were being blocked off.  We both had no idea what was going on, and it took a phone call to my friend in Berkeley to help us look up on the internet what the heck was going on.  Turns out, we arrived on the day of the Golden Dragon Festival.  Thousands of people were parking along the streets and walking towards the main street of where the parade was going to happen.  We both got really excited because it was our first time experiencing it; she initially wanted to just get a chinese style dress and some fans to show to her class, but we decided to take many pictures of the event.  I took many photos for the sake of her class, and for my parents, who don’t go out often.  Or at all -_-.

Photos under the cut.